28

It's time for my annual comic in which I attempt to capture how being my current age has gone for me.

Past editions:
25
26
27

This year, I really wondered whether I've grown out of writing these. I never used to second-guess writing and publishing these types of comics (by which I mean comics that contain no actual substance, just vibes). So, what has changed? Does working full-time force comics about my feelings to the bottom of my list of priorities? Am I just more aware and cynical of the constant pressure on artists to turn their every thought into content? Why is it so easy to write about angst but much harder to write about being okay or (gasp!) even happy? Okay, you got me, those are definitely factors.

Have you read the 1927 poem Desiderata by Max Ehrmann? A print of this hangs in the bathroom of my brother-in-law(but-not-really-in-LAW-because-Sarah-and-I-are-not-married-but-there-is-no-word-for-that). On a recent visit I had no other choice but to read it multiple times, as one comes face to face with it when using the toilet. It is available to read on the internet, for example here.

The poem told me to "take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth", which at first seemed to confirm my reluctance to write any more comics about my feelings. It does seem like a thing of youth and it is something that I've done less and less. Does that not mean it is something I should surrender?

No. I have come to the conclusion that it does not mean that. Clearly, the poem isn't saying that writing poetry is childish, I am just interpreting it that way because of my own insecurities. After all, Desiderata itself is a poem about Max Ehrmann's feelings. It is just vibes, and the vibes are substance.

When I was younger, I confidently assumed that what I had to say was worth reading; maybe even special. I now have existed for long enough in the world to realise that nothing I experience, think, or feel is unique. So - why should anyone listen to me? Even this very dilemma isn't new or special. I'm really grateful to have grown out of the self-centredness of being younger, but how do I stop myself from shooting all the way to the opposite end of the spectrum - that I do not matter? Perhaps the next stage of growing up is finding a way to maintain the threshold level of self-belief and confidence necessary to making art. Perhaps the thing I need to gracefully surrender isn't my desire to write about my feelings but my fears and insecurities.

Time for a relevant and gut-punching Desiderata quote:

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

It's good, isn't it? Max Ehrmann wrote this in 1927 when he was 55 years old. If you stay subscribed to this newsletter for just 27 more years, perhaps we'll find out together if I can also attain this level of wisdom.

Anyway, I obviously wrote a comic in the end. Here's to 28 (which I've got about two weeks left of!).

Note about the drawings: they're inspired by walking up Ben Cruachan last weekend - where I did indeed see a white-tailed eagle! A fun fact about Ben Cruachan is that it was hollowed out in the 60s and houses a pumped storage hydro power station (there's a website with interesting photographs). I enjoyed walking along the man-made dam in such a remote area, as well as standing in front of it and shouting loudly "DAM!" (there was an echo). Sheep were sheltering in its shade, oblivious to how unusual their home is.

Gracefully surrendering,

L x